Relationship Guessing Games

stockvault_7523_20070507 You should've known”

“How could you not know…after all this time”

“What did you assume I meant?”

Trouble, trouble and more trouble. Expectations and assumptions….place them in the cupboard labeled Recipes for Disaster, or, to be more precise….. Love Killers. Shoulds (the S word) are like weeds that commonly thrive in even the best of relationship gardens. Dig one up, two more arrive the next day. "I mean, if I can't expect you to come through for me, who can I?" And the answer is (drumrollllllllllll) "fagetaboutit". No cheese down that tunnel!

The “language” of intimacy is often more like a sophisticated guessing game than honest communication. It’s almost like we’re walking around with a sign on our chest that says,“Guess what this behavior means”. Except, rather than a fun game of charades, we are dead serious about it.

Kate made some great soup the other night and served it up really hot. As is my custom with hot liquids, I sipped some so as not to  burn my tongue. Her response (I could see this one coming) was to announce, "No Slurping". Of course, we'd been down this road once or twice before and I had to smile and ask, "Why's that?" She said, with a smile, "Because slurping is not allowed." "Was there a declaration from the Queen that I wasn't told about?" I asked. Yes, of course. There were many such declarations, old shoes that we drag along with us from our past. That's cool. The problem starts when we ass-u-me that what is so for us should be the agreed upon behavior in our relationship.

The problem, as I defended, is that in my family slurping was considered normal and expected. Hmmm. I'm thinking that if we were two countries, this could be grounds to start a war. The Slurping War....nice! "To Slurp or Not to Slurp, That is The Question"!!! Yes, we must decide fast or war is certain. You'll remind(nag) me, I'll pretend not to hear you. We'll both think we're right and question why our partner is making such a big deal over such a small, small thing. (Have I mentioned that there are no small things in relationship? ) Escalate, Posture, Dig Way In. It's war I tell ya......

(to be continued......)

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